A salesman knocks at your door to sell a product. Even if the product is good and a needy one, sometimes you feel the salesman is not 'genuine' ; and you do not buy the product. This is a sign of salesman being incongruent.
Congruency is what we are when we are completely "integrated" with our mind, speech, body language, "be the one" and "not trying to be one".
Congruency comes when you have a strong conviction.
If you are a Hindu, you do not pretend to be one - you are one; you do one what a Hindu supposed to do and you are completely in the mindset.
If you are a Keralite, you talk the marvels of the brown rice and you go on and convince your friends to go for it.
When someone is incongruent, you sense their eyes lie; even if you are not an expert in analyzing the body language, you know someone that 'something is wrong with this guy'.
To be congruent, one needs to be more of it. Believe more, do more and pull the evidences being so. Practice every single opportunity till the person and practice becomes inseparable; a natural thing.
All of us are congruent in several things and incongruent in several other.
Have you ever wondered why you were not chosen in the interview inspite of answering all the questions? Because to the panel, you did not appear congruent.
Relationships fail when one of the partners fail to be congruent.
Focusing everyday to build on what we would like to become, will make us congruent.